I've slightly neglected my blog lately for various reasons. I've spent more time writing my regular posts for the Crohn's Forum, I've been working, I’ve been in and out of the doctors' surgery in the process of getting tested for various other potential ailments, I’ve been trying to maintain some semblance of a social life, and I've been sick. All not excuses just reasons. But mainly I've been trying to work on 'me' and how to make myself happy.
I'm pretty sure this sounds like an incredibly easy and straightforward task, but in reality it can be an extraordinarily difficult and often painful experience.
I'm pretty sure this sounds like an incredibly easy and straightforward task, but in reality it can be an extraordinarily difficult and often painful experience.
When you take human existence back to basics, all we really need are food and water, the ability to breathe and rest. So why do we worry and stress ourselves over the most insignificant of issues?
I've come to realise I've spent much of my life 'catastrophizing' [therapist-speak for always seeing the worst case scenario and acting accordingly]. I've panicked over the smallest and most insignificant issues and that's clouded me dealing with the bigger ones. This is absolutely in no way uncommon. We are all guilty of this to varying degrees. I’ve started on my journey to fix this by making some small but incredibly positive changes in my day to day life. For starters I am trying to deal with each issue that rears its head with a level of panic and downright terror it deserves. For example, previously, upon establishing that our boiler had packed in, our oven broken down and shower ceased showering all in the one week, I may have, in lesser enlightened times thrown my proverbial toys out of the pram and had the tantrum to end all tantrum’s. (Inwardly though). I’d panic and stress and do rapid fire calculations and write lists upon lists, create pie-charts and hold focus-groups with members of the local area to work on various solutions. (The last two may or may not be exaggerated).
Now I seem to have reached a point where I am more at peace with my life and my illness. I realise I can only do one thing at a time. Women may be considered excellent multi-tasker’s, (for example I am currently writing this blog alongside checking my Facebook AND Twitter), but when it comes to piling on the pressure it’s just not necessary. And certainly isn’t good for my already shaky health.
I of course understand that I will still feel this panic and overwhelming pressure from time to time but I think I’ve learned not to let it rule the roost. By throwing out ways of behaving or thinking that weren’t working for me I feel more positive and more excited about my future. My insides and pensioner-esque body may not look it but my future feels pretty rosy.
