"What about your friends?" I hope I cued the TLC 90's song in your head :)
I woke up at 5:30am this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. Not from Crohn's pains, at least in that physical sense. No, my mind couldn't stop running laps about why I've drifted away from a friend of many years. Our visits have tapered to once or twice a year, and it dawned on me around sunrise that I've recently been taken off a regular email invitation thread to events. She is one of those truly social creatures, always out doing something with a set of friends, so unfortunately social media has made it clear that whole "it's not you, it's me" awkwardness.
It made my heart break, because I think it's because of a perception that I'm not interested, when I've declined more social invitations than partaken in over the years. This blog is about Crohnie travels after all; I'm gone more than I'm in town. It feels like every ounce of energy I store up to make it through each day gets whisked away by the early evening, and when I get back from a trip I'm exhausted for days. The long drives, the bad nutrition on the road, the stress that travel can bring.
I thought about saying all of that to her, and then I realized it sounds like excuses. I even get tired of hearing myself talk about why I'm not up to this or that. Heck, I was so tired when I finally got out of bed this morning that I told my husband I wasn't even sure I'd be up to our special dinner out tonight. And it's the first date night on the books since New Zealand!
I thought y'all might understand.... those night of worry, whether physical, social, emotional or spiritual. Those missed social opportunities when Crohn's makes the calls of our beds so much stronger than anything else. And those hurt relationships along the way.
Sigh. Sending positive thoughts to turn this morning around.
Crohnies unite!
